god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
