office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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