If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Randomize
