wanna go halves on a baby?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
