If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Drake has all the answers
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
