He disabled his match.com account in front of me
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
