i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
