"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
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