We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
