Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
