Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
