Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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