How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
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