Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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