My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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