Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
