I cannot find my penis.
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with