Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...