I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
