It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
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walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months