so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
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She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
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am i new drunk or am i still drunk
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.