I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker