I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...