Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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