Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
