is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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