you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i want to swaddle you in tequila
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
