u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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