what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Just cropdusted the office
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
