Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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