I feel like I'm in dance class right now
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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