arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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