Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
