Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
