Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
