there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
