How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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