yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
