gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Everclear isn't food dammit
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
