I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
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