I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
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