You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
