I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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