Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just send me my own nude
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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