I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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