i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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