You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Ladies don't puke and tell
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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