living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
