should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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