Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
