I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize