You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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