I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
