bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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