I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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