ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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