Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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