He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
