Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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