i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
