"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
