So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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