i would punch a child for taco bell
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
