Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
