You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
