dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
