i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
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Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
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You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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