What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
