marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
