marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
