Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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