Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
