I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
